Darling, what if you fly?

What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly… 

Erin Hanson

 

 

I turned 40, last week. One of these memorable age shifts, a big thing. It often scares people, to move to another decade. 

I wasn’t looking forward to it either, to turn 40. Not sure why, so I decided to research my feelings about it a bit. Why was I afraid of turning 40? 

As soon as I asked the question, I knew the answer. It was so obvious.

 

I was scared of not being young anymore. It’s only a day difference, 39 and 40. But at 39, I am young, I am allowed to make beginner’s mistakes, I still feel like a high potential. And I was scared that all of it would suddenly disappear. 

 

All fear is irrational. And we all are afraid of something. The point is that we are usually unconscious of the fact that we’re scared, and that this fear is holding us back. 

 

The good thing is, that this is exactly why it’s easy to become aware of your fear. 

 

You are at point A. You want to go to point B. You want to start your own business, get your motor driver’s license, move to a foreign country, run a marathon, leave your partner or tell someone you love him. 

When you really want something, and you don’t do it, then you are blocked by fear, one way or another. You are simply scared. 

Fear is anticipated pain, lack of knowledge or uncertainty about possible danger. 

 

It’s hardly ever physical, we don’t fight lions anymore those days… it’s almost always emotional. 

 

It’s you being in one place, and your dream life being in another place, and you don’t move a toe to get there. 

 

Take a piece of paper and write it down for yourself… the things I fear most that are preventing me from achieving my Dream Life are…. 

 

If you take a look, you’ll see that all your answers can be changed into a negative “what if…” statement. 

  • “What if- I can’t pay my mortgage anymore”
  • “What if – I get hit by a car and die”
  • “What if – I get homesick in a foreign country”
  • “What if- my kids will hate me after I leave my partner”
  • “What if – he thinks I’m stupid, he’ll run away and I’ll lose him”

 

These fears are all there, and they are VERY real. Don’t be ashamed that you have them, it’s a very common human reaction. 

 

Now- already the fact that you just became conscious of your fear, might make it look less impossible already, doesn’t it? 

But here’s the trick to change your point of view completely. 

 

Just change your negative statement into a positive one. 

 

  • “What if- I can work on my passion every day and make enough money to live from”
  • “What if – I become much more careful and experience the freedom that I long for for so long”
  • “What if – I find my home in that foreign country and we all love it there”
  • “What if – the relationship with my children becomes warmer and more close than it ever was”
  • “What if – he loves me back”

 

How does this feel? Does it make you smile? Because it should. 

This is exactly the exercise I did with my fear of turning 40. 

 

Instead of thinking “What if I turn 40 and I’m suddenly OLD…. I thought…. “What if I turn 40 and I still feel young?”

I can assure you… I had a big smile on my face. Turning 40 changed from being scary into being something very exciting! 

 

Is there anything you really want to do, say, change… and you feel that something’s holding you back? Write down your negative “what if” statement, and below it your positive one… and inspire us all. 

 

Live fully and be awesome…

Gerdy

 

12 Comments

  1. Maria Simons

    What if parents I’m asked to help, find me too gray and old.
    What if parents I’m asked to help find me gray and old and therefore have more trust in my expertise.

    Reply
    • Gerdy Heek

      Thank you for this vulnerable one Maria… How does it feel?

      Reply
  2. Lammie Meems

    What if someone telling me not to start in that business and put my money on the bank.
    What if I show that person that his fear didn;t hold me back and brought me more profit than I ever would have from the bank.

    Reply
  3. Fiorella Martijnse

    Age is number that doesn’t count any more these days. The nice thing of getting older, is that you understand more, you have learned things . You know yourself better, you are done with your insecurities and still there are enough challenges to make it worthwhile And because of the wonderful world we live in these days, we still have the energy to benefit from it to old age . Believe me, getting older makes life even more fun, year after year : Happy birthday !

    Reply
  4. carine van Hee

    What if – my paintings sell like little breads, I will never be able to produce enough…

    What if – my paintings sell like little breads and my source of creativity just overflows with colors and themes.

    Wow, I really like that! Makes me smile and wanna paint!

    Reply
    • Gerdy Heek

      Ah sweet Carine, I can SEE you smile! it DOES give energy hey? such a tiny little exercise and it makes such a difference…:)

      Reply
  5. Kathrin Tolknegt

    What if I stop being an interpreter and get no other job because I’m too old (46) and have no income anymore? ==> What if I stop being an interpreter and find a new way of creating income in a way that I love by using my life’s experience an inspire others?

    Reply
  6. Roy Martina

    What if I cannot heal my left knee and I cannot run again for the rest of my life?
    What if my L-knee does not heal and I can find something else that would give me similar pleasure as running?
    Happy 40 anniversary

    Reply
  7. Elske van de Fliert - Zero-e

    What if – it turns out to be a huge success and I need to live up to the expectations?
    What if – it turns out to be a huge success and I am able to live up to the expectations / I exceed expectations / I have fun living up to the expectations!

    Reply
    • Gerdy Heek

      Oh Elske this is a BIG one for me too…:) thanks for sharing!

      Reply
    • Joyce Vanes

      Similar here, Elske! Specially the having-fun part. Thanks a lot!!

      Reply
  8. Ranjana Hubach

    Thank you Gerdy!! And hope you had a happy birthday!

    Reply

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