What to do when things go “tits up”
When life gives you lemons, make coffee and watch the world wondering how you did it.
From the dictionary: “go tits up” – to die; to go to ruin; to fall apart.
Life can be sometimes a pain in the ass. Things do run smoothly from time to time, but there’s always a moment, even when you did everything right, when something goes terribly wrong.
So, this week that happened to me.
For months we’re planning this amazing crowdfunding campaign, where we offer my Smart Business Success System – the ultimate collection of my best LIVE business courses on video – for a fraction of their cost…
Parallel to the Crowdfunding campagin, I designed a powerful 30-Day Business Reboot Challenge, and both were supposed to beautifully run next to each other, creating synergy and supporting you in boosting your business growth this year and for the years to come.
Everything was planned to the little details.
I thought that everything was beautifully designed and executed.
Except…
That it wasn’t…
And we needed to go back to the drawing board for some parts, and missed our deadline…
Which was… today…
So… as the English say… things went “tits up”!
Of course, it’s not a nice feeling, and quite a few people were upset, and everyone had to start putting more hours, and effort…
So, in between frustrations, re-planning, scheduling, coordinating, writing texts, recording videos, giving feedback, and generally running around like a chicken without a head… I decided to take a deep breath, relax for a moment and share with you a few things to REMEMBER when things go wrong:
- Everything is temporary, even this
- What happens to you doesn’t define your happiness… It’s how you respond to what happens
- There are so many things, even those that seem small, that are going right in your life
- There are people who care about you
- Worrying, anger, complaining, denial do not improve the situation.
Here are a few things NOT TO DO, when things go wrong:
- Don’t panic
- Don’t blame and criticize (others or yourself)
- Don’t numb yourself (with food, alcohol, TV…)
- Don’t ask “what if?” and “why me?” (it’s useless and exhausting)
- Don’t try to control what is out of your control (a good lessons for life in general)
- Don’t worry about what other people think of you
- Don’t isolate yourself.
On the other hand, here are a few things to DO, when things go wrong:
- Remember… Life IS (accept that the situation is what it is)
- Make a list of what you can change, and what you can’t
- Adjust your goals accordingly
- Start small, and take one baby step at a time, but keep on moving towards your (new) goals
- Give yourself some TLC (tender, loving care)
- Meet people who support you and ask for help
- Help someone else in need (you’d be amazed how fast it will give you perspective)
…
OK… So these are the things I remembered, did and didn’t do this week to overcome the crisis.
What it means for you, is that you’ll get a surprise email next Tuesday morning (November 21) with a link to the crowdfunding campaign and a chance to get some extra great bonuses if you help us finance the Smart Business Success System early…
BUT, if you’re participating in the 30-day Business Reboot Challenge, you’ll get an email one day earlier, with an amazing bonus – my last, ever business training – Backstage Business Secrets for FREE if you support the Crowdfunding campaign on that day.
…
But before I go back to do what I’ve got to do to get everything ready for you…
Please take a moment and let me know in the comment box below, what do YOU do when things go wrong. It can be something I mentioned above, or something I forgot, or didn’t think of…
Let’s make this post (with your comments) the ULTIMATE RESOURCE for what to do and not do when things go wrong…
Thank you for reading and until we meet,
Live fully, be awesome,
Nisandeh Neta
P. S. Please take a moment to SHARE this article with your network…
I don’t think there’s one person in your life that doesn’t have moments where things go “tits up”
Ok Nisandeh, here is my secret….
First, I breathe in and out. Next, I chant aloud or in silence “HU”, pronounced “Hue”. This mantra gives me calmness, peace and provides me with wisdom from the universe on what to do and what NOT to do.
As an entrepreneur I know many of these moments. I step back, think of the famous Eckhart Tolle line ‘also this will pass’, think of everything I have achieved and what is waiting for me in the future, take a long shower and try to think out of the box what would be a solution. If I a worried about things that seem to go wrong I talk to people I trust and try to get my head straight. I always try not to panic. I had a burn-out. I know things will change to the good again (that’s also what history teaches us!)
I am waiting for contracts to be signed to start a new business which have the potential to grow to an international level. Some weeks ago I heard that my partners mother has cancer in a final stage and my partner need to take care of her and is not able to do any work om our business.
I have decided to let go my fustration and just wait some month till all is completed. She promised her mother that the business will start and that we will work on success. Isn’t it a better signal than any signed contract. It is a commitment not easily made without a believe in the success of the project
What I do when things go wrong (okay, most of the time then, I’m only human after all), is literally stepping out of it. Best thing for me is to go walking in the park nearby my house or biking around. While I do that, these things happen:
1. I walk or bike hypertensed, getting all the adrenaline off (no choice in this, emotions took over)
2. I slow down and start noticing the environment (this is where the distance comes in)
3. My focus goes up and forth between my thoughts and my environment (processing…)
4. I calm down (done)
5. From here I can look at my big disaster as it is someone elses. I ask myself questions as: what would I advise this person? What are the possibilities? What should I ignore? What’s the first, calm step I’ll take? (having a great conversation here)
6. I’ll continue just enjoying whatever I’m doing (reloading)
7. Go home, make tea and start over again with a calm and productive mind (reset)
And that’s how the *argh* turned into new motivation and a ‘yes-feeling’.
Tits down of course
I didn’t know the expression ”go-tits-up”.
My first to-do is re-planning …
I liked …Don’t try to control what is out of your control and Do start a small step and keep on moving.
Yeh… We all have these days… sometimes because of what we did (not) do, or others did (not) do, misplaced trust, nature or just really bad timing. What i do? I get me a coffee, find the quiet place within all the turmoil that is going on, and reach back to my connection to The All And One, knowing there is a clear purpose for this to happen – even if I do not yet see why that is the case. Getting to that ground zero feeling always gives me the energy to start picking the pieces up by the end of that cup of coffee, in order to make a totally new puzzle with what I got in my hand…
I go for a walk with my dog in the woods. I am grateful for living so close to the woods and having such a great companion who always loves me. Then when I feel completely grateful for the NOW I ask that further steps to get out of that come to my mind. I follow that steps.
Nisandeh, thank you for your honesty. I wish you a graceful outcome of whatever you are going through. And I like the idea of turning lemons into coffee!
Life is not fair. To any of us and we are not entitled to only sunny days.
Comes down to our response-ability to the situations that come on our path and sometimes seem overwhelming.
My natural response would be complaining, nagging (my husband) and eventually have a breakdown cry-session and I must admit that still happens too on some occasions.
But you are doing the right thing. Take a step back, observe, let it be, do not judge yourself or others. Embrace and make the best of your situation. All the best for you in the process.
This week was such a week for me. The story in short. My administration officials did not file my income tax PANIC! I tried to do myself with the help of my husband. We understood nothing of Passiva and Activa????????
W
e did not concentrate on the inability and also that the accountant did not submit the tax authorities, but we went to the contrary to find Solution and Google.
Deadline no later than 17 Nov.
Has been successful Nov. 16 at 23.30.
When things go terribly wrong I take three steps back. Try to get an overview of the situation, see the options and the dead ends and deal with it.
I am a champion ‘omdenker’ .
Don’t misunderstand me. I feel disappointed or betrayed by myself. But shit happens, be creative, change it for the better, share it, use this ‘ learning moment’ .
♡ Eckhart Tolle and I may not always see eye to eye; I do agree with him that is, the expectation, the mood not the event that causes ‘bad’ feelings. I have a view that we choose to endeavour to control 3Dlife or let 3DLife flow through us paying attention to events, signs, signals etc; often when things are “”going tits up”” it’s an indicator that we may not be on an optimal path for our 3DLife Purpose signed up for before we were born and buried under conditioning from our upbringing. We are the ones who define what ‘things going wrong’ actually means; that definition may change multiple times in our 3DLifespans and hindsight often reveals that ‘things that went wrong’ actually ‘went right’ ????
…♡♡♡…
Depending on my mood and the type of problem I’m facing, I do one of the following things:
1. Inhale deeply through my nose and sigh (or burp) to release, affirming that the solution is near while inhaling, breathing out the negative energy caused by the problem
2. Releasing negative energy by shouting, grunting, stamping my feet long enough till I start laughing
3. Playing one of my “anger pieces” on the piano
4. Playing or singing a deeply emotional piece.
Because I am an angel, of course, I don’t holler, scream, curse and all the like… haha, humor helps! I go out for a walk, sit back try to relax and think of solutions, have a coffee. If life hands you lemons, make limoncello!
Actually, I keep going until I succeed which can be very tough and tiresome. In Dutch “de aanhouder wint…” Remember “Get in line, stay in line!”
If others are involved I believe in acknowledging the failure and letting them know about the problem as soon as possible. Most people do understand and are ready to wait just that bit longer. Sometimes the new result is even better than the imagined one.
I think that all these posts will make your day because here you see how much you mean to all of us and that will help you to go through difficult days.
I had a lot of them and they all made me stronger. When now something happens I know that it will bring me something good later on.
Good luck and stay strong!!
Whenever my tits go up, ????, I Would panic and make the wrong decisions. But since I heard your version of the Story of the fallen tree, blocking the road, I panic and wait. I wait out the storm in my head. The storm the panic slowly dies, as I tell myself I’m still alive. And after that, I start comparing the problem with the fallen tree. There’s no way to go on as planned, so what to do next? Make a new plan. Find a new approach. What if that problem was a tree? And then, mostly the problem is half as big and I am twice as calm. So thanks for that and Many of your other inspiring stories, Nisandeh !! They are often useful, sometimes confronting, and always inspiring.
I straighten myself out by talking to myself, for instance to stop worrying. Just yesterday I had a situation: I was on a very tight deadline and then my husbands car broke down, which complicated things. Then I had to drive somewhere: when I was just a minute under way I spoke out loudly to myself: ok, stop, focus now on the thing I need to being doing at this moment. I immediately felt the stress ebb away.
Dear Nisandeh
Your e-mail today really helped me as I had a “tits up” day too, today. It’s been great reading everyones sharing. Thank you. For me I find I respond in different ways depending on how I am feeling inwardly when it happens. On an inner strength day I’m able to instantly detach from the situation with love, when appropriate go and do something physical preferably outside in the fresh air surrounded by nature, and then return with a renewed perspective to start again. However, on an inwardly wobbily day I find I instantly panic, get into a ridiculous downward spiral, keep repeating the same ineffective actions until either I come to my senses, or am rescued by my husband, or a God-sent call from a close friend, when I then express my feelings either by talking, crying, stamping my feet (obviously depending on where I am). Once my emotions have been expressed safely, I can then detach with love, and follow what I do in the inner strength version.
With me it depends. Sometimes I do the don’ts, especially isolating myself. I’m learning more and more to ask the question: How can I make this into the best thing that could have happened to me? It’s a great question and it has taught me a lot. And I’m learning the power of meditation; it helps me to turn off the stream of useless and unproductive thoughts.
A wise woman has always told me to lay everything down. Relax and go for a night sleep. Next morning everything comes in perspective, so you can take the right steps and decisions to go on. And it works for me. Thanks, Mom.
When things go terribly wrong I get mad at myself but realize I have to let go.
Then I will do something completely different like watching TV and take as many high sugar food as a can find.
Then tomorrow we try again 🙂
And of course, take some essential oils to become yourself again 😉
I lay down on my bed and connect with the Higher Self. Hear the answer that ‘ shit happens’ to learn my life-lessons, in order to distinguish between ego and true Self. Then I remember…
Be nice to myself. Take a hot bath. Go out for a swim. Do some yoga or meditation. Talk to a friend, go out for dinner. Everything to get out of my head, back into my body. Took some years of practice before finally integrating it, but it really, really works. Nothing is more important than my own well-being anymore. And when I’m well and happy, whatever was bothering me or went wrong will be solved faster, better and easier.
So many wise people with wise responses, but for me, it was a great sum up of things you can do, cause I blame myself and can become itchy to people close by.
Hi Nisandeh,
When Things go wrong I start running as fast as I can, till I can’t run anymore. Then when I’m out of breath I breathe very profoundly like the Iceman does. Then I hold my breath and let go. Then I probably cry, I let go. Then I start doing something that is fully automated and that doesn’t need my attention. I use all my kinesiology techniques to get back in to balance and I’ll probably Phone a friend because while talking I hear my own solutions.
Thanks for the opportunity to think about this. X Merel
Sit down and breathe.
Realize this is not the world on fire.
Feel the adrenaline and realize this is just a new challenge and enjoy it.
I am generally more surprised than angry when things go wrong, not so into judging, but very much into analyzing “how did this happen” – just curiosity and wanting to do better next time. But most of the analyzing is for after things are fixed again, first just go and get things done.
Dear Nisandeh,
If something went wrong, I condemned myself and froze. I kept thinking to know what I was doing wrong. After I finished working this morning, I made a decision.
This is the magic of life and proves the synchronicity. This morning I took a wooden board and wrote down what I want to let go and what I want in its place. You know better than anyone that after the board has been knocked over it feels like a liberation.
All Love Patricia
Wat een schitterende vraagstelling! Mijn stelling:
Forget it! Een van de bijzondere eigenschappen van een Mens is: Dat hij z’n gedachten kan beheersen!
Daarom: Nieuwe koers vaststellen met orientatie op de Landmerken: Vertrouwen- Gehoorzaamheid- Leven in het heden-Het hebben van een doel!
Vergeet niet: wat gebeurd is, daar is toch niets meer aan te doen. Niet achterom kijken! Met volle kracht vooruit!
Lees mijn boek: De Weg-De Waarheid- Het Leven-
Met vriendelijke groeten,
First thing I do when things go tits up, is blaming myself and feel REALLY bad and embarrassed. Then, usually after a few minutes, I figure out it’s either not in my circle of influence, which makes it ok to leave it, or it is, and then I think of a way to fix it. If I can’t figure out how to fix it immediately, I call someone, explain him or her the situation and usually, during the explanation, I find another. If not, at least I feel much better:)
When something goes wrong from me I know I have a tendency to criticize myself. Therefor I practice:
1. acknowledging how I feel without making the feeling bigger. feelings are human
2. remind myself these feelings wil pass, just as any unhelpful thoughts that come up
3. view it in perspective: someone else may not even have noticed or won’t consider it a big deal.
4. consider what the next step is to move forward to my goal
i cry
I tell my husband
And he always knows what to say to calm me down
But first, i cry because I’m sad
And then I fight en work harder
Go through the emotions (depending on where you are: shout, scream, cry, ……), take a deep breath and look for a solution.
I love the energetic words you have chosen. The tension is released and there will be room for something new.
Meditate: Visualise your body as a light body and make your mind an empty space. And feel your own nature. Do it for 10 minutes.
It is what it is! I take a deep breath of air. Do a bit of self hypnosis. Take a brake. And start over if necessary or repair. Of course I will be upset. Still it is what it is!
Thank you for this blog post.
Well first I go through all the emotions then look for help and do exactly what Yvette van Boven says. (step by step) Well said Yvette.
I can be quite impulsive when it comes to when things go wrong. But bottomline I tell myself that there must be a reason for it. Maybe it’s the cosmos that wants to put me in a certain direction helping me to avoid worse. I think Anutosh van Varik looks at it more or less in the same way.
I go out for a walk with my dog and get out the stress. Run and enjoy playing with my dog and feel the calmness of nature. It gives me the rest and power to focus on solutions and laugh about the situation.
No matter what happens I try to stay positive! There is a reason for everything and every person you meet in life! I enjoy singing in two choirs with 3 or 4 rehearsals a week. I meet very fine people there. I feel a lot of gratitude for all the good that comes into my life! I make the best of every moment. And let the sunshine in my heart!
I have to do something!!! Prefer talk to someone about it… or play golf ;-)) which is NOT a solution, but during that I can calm down and “putting” things in perspective… And ALWAYS think that time will heal all wounds…
A bad day is not a bad week
A bad week is not a bad month
A bad month is not a bad year
A bad year is… bad luck!!! ;-))
A bad year gives me the hope that next year will certainly be better!
Haha! Of course! If things really don’t go your way, it cannot get worse!! That’s the positive of it! Reading the comments are helpful by the way, so thanks!
When things go wrong, I’ll start feeling the emotion behind. Usually I go with my dog to the beach … letting go of the thoughts about the problem … feeling my body again … the answers about what to do next will come during my walk on the beach …
At home I focus again to my (new) goals.
When things go wrong I am rewinding the tape and look where my perspective and my focus went from positive to negative…(and what caused it) … where I lost my connection to my inner self and try to find the shortest and smartest way back to the high frequency of the flow…
Usually, also a reason for things going wrong is being in my head too much, trying too hard to control things that I cannot control, in the wrong way that lowers the vibration of my flow… and mostly out of fear or insecurity about the people that matter most to me. So I am sometimes working against myself which is a waste of energy and sabotaging my own beautiful self. The positive news is, now I have figured it out, so I can reinvent myself and work on the best version of me 🙂
When things go wrong I take time to answer the question: what is the worst thing that can happen ( to me) now? After answering that question time after time brings me in a state where I am connected to live energy and compassion. In that state, I can see what I can or can’t do to the situation.
First I put my attention to the body, making sure I relax unnecessary effort and breathe fully.
Then I remind myself that I haven’t figured out how life works, and therefore I can’t be sure that what I planned was really the best that could happen to me.
Many times, obstacles provide more opportunities to learn and grow than times where everything is running as I planned.
I have this poster of the universe on my wall that reminds me that my big ass problem is happening in an infinitesimally short occurrence in time in an infinitesimally small place on our infinitesimally small planet. That always puts things in perspective.
So do I, but without the poster 😉
My standard questions are always – without exception:
* Thank you – What can I (or “you” if it concerns somebody else) learn from this?
* What does the cosmos want from me?
The last question always takes some time to reflect on.
I always go back to the moment because in the moment there is peace everything else happens in my head which are just thoughts. when I am in the moment I always see perspective en then I will take one step at a time make it small ask for help when need help en inform everybody right a way especialy when it is bad news.
Depending on how big a thing: I will laugh it off, trying to celebrate life as it is. And then I ask my favorite question: Okay. Now what?
If no answer comes immediately I remember that everything is temporary. It’s a comforting feeling that even if I consciously don’t do anything, things (body, mind and world around me) will change. Sometimes that means waiting and feeling a day or two. Keeping life simple and then the answer will come.
First I scream, cry, go berzerk and after 10 minutes I released those emotions. Then I go review what happened and try to figure out if I can do something about it, how I can do something about it and get to work.
For me moments like that call for mildness and humility. Because no matter how good the intentions and how hard the drive, probably my ego is coming in a bit too much. So taking a step back – and making a walk in nature is a great way to do so – while looking with mildness at the trap I have fallen in again. Then finding the humility to recognize and redirect, usually allows for new and better opportunity to emerge and to act more in line with my energy and being.
When things go wrong I first calm myself. Depending on what goes wrong I will take some time to see where it goes. Frome the past I learned that time can do a lot of work, sometimes time will solve the problem for me. Just like a reed bending with the wind, I bend along with the problem and from there I find a solution to get the situation on the right track.
I ask for support of people who care about me. Let emotions go. Relax, breathe and sit down.
I ask a professional to help me to see the bigger picture, so I can think about the right direction for me.
I go for a walk in nature.
If things go “tits up” I give my emotions space, I don’t suppress them, but only for a few hours tops and then I start looking for alternatives and new opportunities.
I do that by reflecting on what the essence is of what I really realy want to achieve and on what the thing that just went wrong teaches me about myself.
My feelings of disappointment don’t help me go forward and after I take a long walk at the Vondelparc, I feel serene again and can reflect well on where to my opinion it went wrong.
After the walk the anger, hurt or fear is minimized and clarity comes. I know better what (not) to do.
Have a great day! Brenda
It depends on how big it is. If it is not that big, I wonder how important it really is. And if it is big and If I can’t fix it on my own and it’s really slowing me down, I’ll ASK for help. Have Some coaching and for me, a system-setup makes things clear and let me feel free again.
Talk about it and share it with my closest friends. By talking about it, your focus shifts to what is and what is really going on
What to do
– Allowing the emotion to be, and then using the energy to move forward.
– If it is work that requires to sit down, releasing me energy before continuing is a good idea. Jumping, writing, yelling, any kind of explosive physical activity Usually works very well.
– Using the Sedona method can work very effectively as well when it comes to letting go of the Urge to control everything.
– there’s a simple three step formula that usually works very well. Stop, correct, take action. Change what can be changed, find peace in that world cannot be changed.
What not to do
-victimizing, sitting, hoping, wishing, waiting.
– Running for the easy way out, i.e. finding emotional release for a rational or practical problem.
– taking your frustration out on those who are nearest to you, i.e. partner, friends, family, coworkers. Most of them cannot solve the problem either, however, they can give support.
After the first emoticons letting be, just relax, Breath and know out of experience, I will find aswers or solutions within 3 days.
I used to be that chicken running around trying to fix everything and making myself invisible at the same time..
what helps me is to take a few moments to take it in…
See if I can realy take it..
breath and feel what it stirs up in me, have a good cry, a good scream, an agry dance and usually after I can feel the sense that also this will pass. This can end in having a good laugh, there can be some humor in it…
and then start to see what is needed to take a next step,
Dear Nisandeh,
I notes all the tensions that I produce in my body, I emphasize them and then i let go all the efforts by breathing deeply and relaxing. I train more than usually when I am in a very stress situation, I do my best to stop to think in a routinary way, so I do physical exercises that allow to be more present with mind and body using breathing, movement, relaxation. I talk with friends, I read books that allow to see things differently. I move my attention to my body before to plan and think.
I go for a walk in nature. Breathe and meditate. Focus on what is good and right in life and take courage from that to deal with what is wrong. I’m doing it now.
Hi Nisandeh. For me, “laughing it off” works very well, to start with. Even if I don’t feel like it, I start laughing. Without any reason. It will result in higher levels of endorfine, lower levels of cortisol, more oxygen levels and initiates an empowering positive mindset, resulting in insights such as all the things you mentioned, and many more. What I also do is write down some tips to and for myself, to help remind myself and also to let me see what an awesome human being I am, able to adapt and to love myself and others.
Be grateful for & focus on all the things that go right.
Deal with the problem. Focus and move forward.
When things go wrong, I take a step back and look why it went wrong. I learn from the situation. And then…..Life goes on and so do I !!!!!
I follow the Dalai Lama advice: when you think everything is going wrong, think again.
You always will think of what went right plus you start seeing alternatives and a solution, which together boosts your energy.
Another Do Not: Don’t stay on this course, don’t keep on going and just work harder or try to convince yourself and others.
Another Do: Change.
Nice! ????
Put on your favorite music and DANCE … dance your life and FEEL your body and your soul. Music and dancing is the ultimate way to recover, to feel who you are and to re-connect with your soul and dreams.
Excellent idea!
Breath in, breath out. A quick bodyscan to relax. Take a step back, I’ll do something completely different and then turn back to see how I can do things differently.
(But I recognize some ‘don’ts’ as well, to be honest).
Celebrate! Something better then you could have imagined is going to get out of this!
Focus on your intention, the details will take care of themself and just continue!
And do things that make you feel better until you feel good again!
If something goes really wrong, for me, it is a learning moment. Something I just have to deal with it. So I man up.
To relieve the tension I talk with people I feel comfortabele with and I go for a good walk.
Good morning Nisandeh,
I was one of those persons who isolated myself. Well not anymore.
When I realize I am in a situation that’s frustrating me and my results, I either go for a long walk or run with my dog or I use techniques to relax my brain and body (juggling, drawing, speedreading with music, yoga, meditation etc.) and let it go. When I come home, I use my model to analyse the situations and the influences it has on the other areas.
I ask myself some questions:
– What can I do to make this worse? Really worse??
– What opportunities / solutions are in this ‘problem’? (As many as possible)
– What smallest change in my approach will make the biggest positive impact on short term AND is helpful for the rest of the proces.
Afterwards I always discus the outcomes with people I trust.
Enjoy the day!
Natascha
Hi Natascha, I like (and use) your suggestion to reverse the problem. Like when you can’t find the right customers you may ask “How do I get rid of my customers?”. I bet you will find numerous solutions to that like “not answering the phone”. And when you reverse that silly solution you get the answer: “I need to improve the way we answer the phone”. Thanks for the reminder.
Focus on what you want (solution) and not on what you don ‘t want (problem).